She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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