Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
