Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Boobs speak an international language.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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