Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
