btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
