Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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