i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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