I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
