Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
