You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
