I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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