Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was CRYING into my vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
