4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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