Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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