i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
