it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
