I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
