Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
3 2 1 whiskey
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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