Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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