Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
