Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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