Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
