I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
