i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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