Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
