Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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