so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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