took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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