why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
