omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
