apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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