I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
