Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
