woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
