I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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