Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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