well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
