No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
