puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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