Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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