It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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