distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
