omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
