whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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