This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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