i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
