She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
