were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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