If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
