The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
