I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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