well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
