I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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