One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize