We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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