the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
