Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
