Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
