I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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