we made out on top of his cat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
