Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
