he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
