end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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