Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
