I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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