When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
