Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
