I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
false alarm. still invincible.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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