Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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