i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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