Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
