I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
