i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
