Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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