Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the day after is always just damage control
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
