my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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