who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
