I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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