The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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