they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
