can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
